Last week, we counted down the twelve best cover songs and this week, it is time to flip the script and take a look at some of the horrid and laughable covers that have been recorded in music. To be honest, compiling this list was tougher that I thought mainly because there are LOTS of bad covers out there. It also explains why this list is a bit longer than last week's. I'm sure, judging from the above picture, that you can already guess some of the singers that will be making an appearance on this list.
After writing this blog, it made me realize that genuinely, good music is pretty hard to find these days. The market is so saturated with generic, factory-made singles and pop-stars that it is getting increasingly difficult to hear a song that actually connects.
If I had it my way, I would make so that a singer needs to earn an artistic licence prior to covering a classic song. I'm sorry, but if you are planning on covering someone like John Lennon, please make sure you have earned the right to do so and if you have not, then get out there, pay your dues and earn your right to re-imagine a classic (ahem, Madonna!)
Anyways, without further ado, here is the crème of the crappiest covers in music:
THE 14 WORST COVER SONGS
14- Rihanna - Hero (2003)(originally performed by Mariah Carey)
Ok to be fair, she was fifteen years old when she did this and was far from becoming the mega-star she is known as today. In most cases, it is cool to see a singer before his/her fame and watch them hone talent. Unfortunately, in Rihanna's case, nothing has changed. She still sings just as nasaly and pitchy as she demonstrates in this performance of Mariah Carey's 1994 ballad. Sorry Rihanna, but you don't have the vocal cops to back up all the hype that surrounds you nowadays, hence why you've earned a place on this list.
13- Sweet Child O' Mine- Fergie (2011)(originally performed by Guns' N' Roses)
I was originally going to place Sheryl Crow's rendition of this GnR classic on this list, but then I remembered that Fergie had the audacity to perform this at last year's SuperBowl half-time show. What made it worse was that Slash agreed to appear alongside her for this castrated version of "Sweet Child O' Mine". The sight of Fergie gyrating her hips in a mangled, shoulder-padded costume with Slash trying to ignore her as he dutifully performed his guitar duties made it an awkward and off-kilter performance. Oh and her voice was awful and seemed to sing everywhere except on-key.
12- Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit (2003)(originally performed by The Who)
At the height of the nu-rap-metal era in the late nineties/early 2000s, Fred Durst famously stated that Limp Bizkit was strictly a band of its time. With that said, I'm confused as to why they decided to reach back in time to record some hideously bad covers. It was bad enough when they re-made George Michael's "Faith", but whatever compelled them to re-imagine the Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" is beyond me. Having to watch Fred Durst strut shirtless while making out with Halle Berry in the video doesn't quite connect with the lyrics of the song and only served to make our collective gag reflex kick in.
11- Sweet Dream (Are Made Of This) - Marilyn Manson (1995)(originally performed by The Eurythmics)
The success and popularity of this track reflects the gaping void in the rock music scene during the mid-nineties when grunge music died out and a number of jaded, angst-ridden, Gen-Xers were looking for another icon to carry the torch. Enter Marilyn Manson and his spooky, gothic brand of shock-rock music. I'm not sure what he thought he added to this track, aside from reciting the lines in hushed/shrieked tones, but it feels completely useless. His interpretation along with the music video brought nothing new and only served as a continuation of the gothic image he was cultivating during the time. It may have worked, but it doesn't change that this is one bad cover of a classic Eurythmics hit.
10- Don't Stop Believing - The Glee Cast (2009)(originally performed by Journey)
I know all the Gleeks out there are going to kill me for this one, but when you compare this version to the original, there is no contest. Journey's frontman, Steve "The Voice" Perry is considered one of the greatest rock singers of all time whereas the Glee singers required some auto-tuning to ensure their pitch was correct. Automatic Fail! And by the way, Amber Riley (Mercedes) can out-sing Lea Michele (Rachel) anyday.
9- Dancing In The Street - Mick Jagger & David Bowie (1985)(originally performed by Martha & The Vandellas)
Picture yourself back in high school at your locker, hanging out with your friends. All of a sudden, your dad shows up with his buddy, both drunk, and start dancing in the hallways leaving you mortifyingly embarassed. That is what watching Mick Jagger and David Bowie swivelling their hips and getting their old, white-boy freak on in this video feels like. The only way one can enjoy this video is for the sheer novelty of the bad 80s fashion and the hilarious sight of Jagger and Bowie trying to sing this Martha & The Vandellas hit with sincerity and conviction. The actual song sounds like an awful karaoke rendition between two guys clearly blasted over one too many pints of Guiness. Funny enough in 2011, this version was voted the top song the British public would play at street parties celebrating Prince Williams and Kate Middleton's wedding.
8- My Prerogative - Britney Spears (2004)(originally performed by Bobby Brown)
Britney decided to record this Bobby Brown hit to emphasize the 'fuck you' sentiment she was feeling towards the media and the general public's attitude regarding her then-marriage to Kevin Federline. Too bad that her interpretation of "My Prerogative" was completely useless and shows her exploiting her usual sex-kitten image. This was the last track she released before she went completely off her rocker and suffered a public meltdown. Clearly, this was the beginning of her downward spiral.
7- Angels - Jessica Simpson (2004)(originally performed by Robbie Williams)
There are so many things I can say about Jessica Simpson. Fortunately, she will be making another appearance later in this list (is anyone surprised?), so I'll save it for then. In the meantime, she covered Robbie Williams' song "Angels" and it sucks. I'll explain why later.
6 - American Pie - Madonna (2000)(originally performed by Don McLean)
When Don McLean released this song, he remained ambiguous about the meaning behind some of the cryptic lines. To this day, it has remained the subject of much debate and scrutiny. Many people have theorized that the line "the day the music died" is a tribute to Buddy Holly or the assassination of JFK or Martin Luther King, Jr. Another plausible theory could be that, somehow, McLean was able to peer twenty-eight years into the future when Madonna got her gnarly hands on this track and recognized that day as when the music truly died. It is bad enough that Madonna's sorry-ass version was used to promote her lame movie "The Next Best Thing, but what makes it worse is that it became a huge worldwide hit. I guess it is further proof that we live in a world where a solid marketing campaign easily trumps quality and artistry in music.
5- Lady Marmalade - Christina Aguilera, Mya, Pink, L'il Kim (2001)(oringally performed by Labelle)
I'm not sure what is more annoying about this version of Labelle's unabashed celebration of Creole prostitutes; listening to all four singers painfully shrieking over each other trying to harmonize or Christina Aguilera looking like Dee Snyder from Twisted Sister in the music video. Oh wait, L'il Kim's constant yeh-yeh's and uh-uh-uh-uh's takes the cake. How this song became so popular in 2001 and went on to win a Grammy is beyond me.
4 - Imagine - Madonna (2004)(originally performed by John Lennon)
Oh no, she didn't! That sums up my reaction when I heard Madonna was going to mutilate this much-beloved anthem from one of my heroes, the late John Lennon. This woman has made a career out of appropriating things that have already been done and taking credit for it in her music. But her audacity hit new heights when she decided to cover this one of the greatest song-writers in popular music. Where Lennon's version has been named one of the greatest songs of all time, Madonna sounds like a robot completely devoid of any conviction or emotion as she painfully warbles her way through this song, stripping it of the sentiment and quality that Lennon used to make it a classic.
3- These Boots Are Made For Walking - Jessica Simpson (2005)(originally performed by Nancy Sinatra)
At last, my chance to rant about Jessica Simpson...stand back and give me some room, I've been waiting for the right moment to give my thoughts on her and this seems like the perfect spot. Firstly there is the music video showing her tacky attempt to display sex appeal and swagger along with some blatant titillation in a bikini-clad, car-wash scene. Any other pop star could pull it off, but Jessica Simpson's biggest problem has always been that she tries too hard. The same can be said for her interpretation of the song. While Nancy Sinatra sang it with assuredness and sass, Simpson sounds like she is running out of air as she tries her best to sing in a sexy, breathy voice. Unfortunately, Simpson has always been an example of someone who does not know how to work with what she has got. Sure, she is good looking and has the potential to be a good singer, but she has never been able to successfully utilize her own qualities into something unique. Instead, she has built a lack-lustre career out of copying what others have already pioneered. That is probably why the only success she's ever found is playing an air-headed housewife (herself) during the "Newlyweds" reality series with then-husband Nick Lachey.
2- You Shook Me All Night Long - Celine Dion (2002)(originally performed by ACDC)
Oh Celine (sigh). You have a fantastic voice and are, rightfully, regarded as one of the best technical singers in the world. Sadly, none of this qualifies you as an artist and you showed that when you decided to cover ACDC at the Divas Las Vegas concert in 2002. Oh mon dieu woman, air-guitaring on-stage? What would René think?! This is another example of Celine's laugable stage presence. As much as her voice is amazing, her showmanship on-stage, mannerisms and facial experessions come off as wooden, robotic and, in this case, just plain wierd. Stick to the ballads Celine, thats what we know and love ya' for.
1- Smells Like Teen Spirit - Miley Cyrus (2011)(originally performed by Nirvana)
Do I really need to explain why this one tops the list? Its Miley Cyrus covering Kurt Cobain for crying out loud! Putting aside the fact that she wasn't even born when Nirvana released this track, I wonder what Hannah Montana could possilby know about the grunge era and what it stood for? Similar to Madonna covering John Lennon's "Imagine", this is manufactured, cooke-cutter, pop music at its worst when it shows the audacity to take something from a musical genius and strip it of its authenticity and artistry. Maybe this will prompt Dave Grohl and Courteney Love to stop battling each other in court and unite to stop Miley from further sabotaging Cobain's legacy.
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